I THINK I LOVE MY FIANCE

It all began on a cold Saturday morning, i woke up late as always, after trying to beat the Lagos traffic and failing of course, plus i had no work to rush to, i don't usually see any reason to run out of my bed but truthfully i love sleeping. I eventually had to leave my bed because one of my Yoruba friends had a birthday bash and she had earlier promised it would be fun, the next problem i had to tackle was finding an outfit to fit the occasion, ooh my! it gets me so confused that i always end up going later than i planned.

After a long search i settled with a crazy jean, black top and sneakers, yup i looked pretty nice although i had my natural hair packed to a bun, i needed to visit a saloon soon, but this would do for now. Ensuring all doors and windows were properly locked i left for my party. The crowd wasn't big so i could float around, just then i noticed a tall glass of chocolate was staring at me, (BTW i mean a dark skinned man) ooh my he was fine but of course we always have to front first, so i acted very occupied like i didn't notice him.

Finally he got some courage to walk up to me, he seemed nice and had a good command of English which makes it two scores on my list, i further learnt that night that he was an engineer and earned 8 figures annually (do the maths) plus he was a proper gentleman and had a brilliant dress sense, if you ask me he had serious potentials of being hubby (smiles).

To cut the long story short, we started dating officially a month later and of course had a lot fun together, he was simply amazing...... but i didn't see us getting married. As a girl i always dreamed of the moment i will meet "him", how he would propose, how we would plan our life together till forever and all that kinda stuff, but i never felt that way with him, i felt like i was settling or trying to play it safe, he was perfect but not perfect for me, he never gave me butterflies in my belly, he would make a good friend but not a good spouse, i couldn't see us living together, sharing our lives, space, family actually sharing everything but he seemed ok with us.
I once complained to my girls but they all said we looked perfect together but i didn't seem to see the picture they saw, he said yes to everything i wanted, it was always my way, but i don't want to be always right. This became my new worry

So i ask, how to do i say "i love you no more" when he/she has been nothing but an angel and remember the longer i stall the harder the break away, or could i learn to fall in love with him with time?? besides we have been together for six months.

A forth night later he invited me to this luxurious restaurant in Ikeja, they have the best pepper chicken, i noticed he was quiet and seemed like he had a lot on his mind, i tried talking him out of it but to no avail and finally he stood and took a knee..... o oo ooh my God was he about to propose? was he for me? am i ready? he spoke up, interrupting my thoughts, "baby, i loved you from the day i asked you to be my girl, i cant imagine going a day without hearing or being with you, i promise to make you happy and give you all i have, please marry me"
ooh my those were the loveliest words i have ever heard, but my head still asked "do you love him?" but sincerely i didn't think i did but how do i say i don't love you anymore or maybe i never did, i was pulled out of my thought by the voices whispering "say yes" just then i realized people in restaurant were all staring and some how i said yes.

WEDDING / HANDCUFF RING

Haloo,

I was in the comfort of my bedroom trying to enjoy the cool December breeze, you that feeling of a cold but not so cold breeze caressing your skin, then carries you to far away land that has no worries, responsibilities and all sort.... and of course he was there, with a grin on his face that rendered me helpless, who wouldn't be helpless? he was all a woman could ask for; ''gggrrrrrrr", i was jolted back to my room, ooh my who could that be, it had better be urgent because i needed to go back to my imaginations.


Checking my phone i realized it was anna calling, "Babe ha fa, can you talk" she said as i picked up, but she had an anxiety on her tone that got me worried and awake. "sure i can" i responded eager to hear what had her anxious, "tunde has moved our introduction again", i could hear the pain in her voice, "What!!!" i screamed, i couldn't believe he had the nerve to do that.

Tunde is an Electrical engineer who works in an international company and earns six figures, They dated for three years before he engaged her about 14 months ago. At first he was reluctant to go see her parents, we all tagged it cold feet and advised anna to give him some time to get used to being engaged to her first, which if you ask me wasn't so normal for guys who engage women.
Then weeks turned to months and now a year has gone past and he still hasn't gotten the balls to meet her parents. Anna had been quite understanding with him and didn't want to pressure him, but hell no he was trying all our patience, what was the essence of engaging her if you never had plans of marrying her, besides he is financially stable which is one of the major reasons why men slow down the marriage train.

She started sobbing on the phone, explaining how he started acting up when she confronted him on the stalling of her introduction. "he called me impatient, but am i impatient? i have waited for a year" she went on and on in tears, even on her thoughts of leaving him."if he can stall our introduction, what about our wedding?".

This got me thinking long and hard, what should be the maximum time a girl should wear an engagement ring before it turns to a handcuff ring? 

What is worse is when he is not certain it is you before giving you the ring and ends up scaring away potential husbands with that big ring turn cuffs!!. 

Monster In-Law 2

       I found him sitting with his mother in the gazebo; was she complaining about me, did i hear right?, i walked up to them and welcomed him, all i got was a warm smile in return, no hug or kiss. 
''where did you get such a lazy and dirty wife from?, she continued, what!!!! i was confused, she had eaten two different meals and a dessert since her arrival.I didn't know how to respond so kept mute, Ben on the other hand apologized saying we had just returned and was still trying to settle in, i tried really hard not to pick an offence. finally i spoke, ''welcome honey, let me get you something to drink''. 

      I needed a moment alone to calm my nerves, anger never solved a problem plus she was my husband's mother,with a deep breath i decided to try harder to get on her good side, taking a pack of my orange juice and three tumblers i headed back.

      I noticed Ben's face light up as i approached (he loved my home made drinks), mama noticed it too and begins to speak ''thank you young lady, but if could give us a minute am trying to have a quiet time with my son''. I felt my heart sink, i gave Ben a stare daring him to respond, he said nothing, i felt betrayed and began to leave when i heard him speak up, ''mama, her name is Olivia and we are one, feel free to tell us anything'', he stretched out his hand inviting me to sit next to him, '' ooh yes, now that's the man i fell in love with'' i said to my self.

The look on mama face was scary, she began to murmur ''When will dinner be ready? or should my tired son go in and cook for you? ''. before i could ask what he might want for dinner, mama interrupts saying pounded yam will be just fine with a wicked smile on her face.

To the kitchen i returned to continue cooking, '' my new found hobby''. I still couldn't get mama's smiling face off my mind, how could she be enjoying this. I put in all efforts to ensure the meal came out perfect, i was really trying to get her to like me, all i wanted was a happy family.

        Oooh my dinner was a mess, mama had a lot of complains about my cooking and didn't hesitate to tell me how much of a better cook she was. Ben said nothing but ate in silence, if i was such a bad cook how could he swallow it all. it took me all the courage not to speak, i needed my bed.

          The sound of music playing woke me up, what time was it?, i could tell the sun was fully out but I couldn't remember sleeping off.... a note on the side table got my attention, it read;

hey baby,
i know you had a stressful day yesterday
please try get along with mom
am off to work, do have a lovely day.
love you always.
                            Ben.💕

        Realization dawned on me, my mother in-law was around and i was still in bed, i saw the clock ticking; it was 8:30 am, i quickly jumped out of bed and into my slippers and straight to the kitchen, i heard sounds from the sitting room and knew just where she was.
  Calculating my every thought and words i headed to the sitting room, ''good morning mummy, hope you had a lovely night'' i said to her, turning her head to give me a full view, she replies ''what is good about a morning of starvation, which wife wakes up as late as nine'', here we go again, was she going to remind me of how unqualified i was for her precious only son?, ''sorry mom, i was feverish'' i said cutting her off, '' am much better now, what would like for breakfast?''.

Finally the day seemed to be coming to an end, i was worked up, she (my mother in-law) had me serving her hand and foot and not even a thank you, all i got was the food was too salty or peppery or not soft enough, i felt like a traded slave.

Ben's return was all i awaited, i was done tolerating mama, how long was she going to stay?. 

Monster In-law 1

I felt the sun light hit my face, it was indeed a bright day i was finally married to my heart throb, Ben. He was so lovely, kind,romantic, pink lips and ooh that body of his, i always felt so secure in his arms..... i just loved him.

Our honey moon was the best; candle light dinners, beach side lunch and breakfast was always in bed if you know what i mean (smiles), we had just returned home more like to reality, Ben had gone to work, he was a Medical consultant and owned his own small maternity clinic, i on the other hand was an editor and i worked from home, i still couldn't believe two weeks had gone so fast, i missed all our talks and walks, holding hands.... ''ding dong'' i was jolted back to reality, ooh i missed our private little moments.


The house was quite organised except our bedroom, we returned late last night and hadn't unpacked, and ooh the dust, it was the dry season and dust was the new air, this meant a lot of cleaning needed to be done, but who could be at the door this early and why, my house was not ready to entertain any guest....'' ding dong, ding dong'' the bell rang again, i finally pulled myself together and made my way to to the door.

I heard the door bell ring again but this time it sounded inpatient, i hope there was no emergency, "am coming!!" i yelled, then quickened my pace, getting to the door i turned the keys and door nob as fast as i could and pulled.... "mama!!'' i screamed, my mother in-law was here, with two boxes and a bag. I stretched out to hug her but got a cold shoulder, i felt panic flow through me, "hope no problem?" i asked, she hissed and asked what took me so long to get to the door, i quickly apologized and ushered her in carrying all her luggage.


I was still trying to pull the boxes behind her, wondering what was in them when i realized she was standing at a spot and her eyes moving round the sitting room, ''what a pig, my son married'', she said so softly i didn't know if to get offended, i began to apologize again, explaining that we arrived really late last night and was too tired to clean.... she cut me off saying only a lazy woman makes excuses and didn't hesitate to let me know she had her reserves on her son's decision to marry me but of course her husband of blessed memory wasn't there to help convince her only son from marrying a disaster like me.

I was still lost in the part of hesitation; Ben never mentioned that, he always said his mother adored and loved me, i always wondered why she never called often or never wanted me to visit, he always convinced me otherwise... i felt a stare go through me and realized she was still speaking.

There should be a way out of this, smiling i apologized and asked for a few minutes to clean up and get her something to eat, she abruptly refused to sit in saying ''i don't want to die of dust''. This was my fault i said to my self as i ushered her to the gazebo outside and beckoned on the gate man to clean a chair for her to sit, her laughter cut me off, ''so you are too big to clean the chair for me?'' she asked, ''of course not'' i replied, and quickly took the napkin from akin (the gate man) and started dusting.

My back hurt, i had been cleaning and cooking all day serving my dear mother in-law, ooh my God, her needs where so many; the water is too hot, now its too cold, its not warm enough.... really?. How long was she going to be around?, i hope not long, the sound of my Ben driving in got me smiling again, my baby is back, the memories of our honey moon flooded my mind, his kisses, his touch.... he must be tired and exhausted, thanks to my mother in-law i had prepared rice, beans and plantain so he can mix it which ever way his appetite blew him


To be continued.....

Self Worth

Its hard to talk about humans and not mention relationships, you see couples everywhere,from streets to restaurants to cinema to gardens, events, churches... literally everywhere but even then, we find also a lot of single lonely people most of them empty and broken but i wonder if anyone has the power to break another except we give them that chance. Like my mama always says ''anything gotten easy is never taken serious but if worked for is taken very seriously'' but of course there are exceptions to that rule, certain people do not know how to value a diamond if they found one. This got me thinking, how do i filter the number of people i let walk into my life to reduce the hurt, the only rational answer i got was to raise my standards, it is my life and my choices. I know of some couples (names withdrawn) that suffered severely in their relationships but could not muster the courage to walk away because of the fear of finding another who might be half as good as the present man or woman so deny themselves the chance of true companionship. I feel the only reason one will do this is because he/she lacks the love for themselves. what aches most is that most times we try to change to fit the picture that this supposed significant other feels we should be, that we forget who we really are... we run after them like lost puppies hungry for any home and forget we are worth the best and should never settle.
I remember sometime ago during my college days, i was single and had a lot of dating friend who were of the opinion that i was single because my standards were too high or because i was too opinionated but why shouldn't i be, ''the aim is not to be with anybody but to be with somebody''. I remain grateful that i stood with my standards because i saved my heart a lot of aches and crying.
The worst thing we can do to ourselves is settle, the rest of your life is too long to settle, i mean way to long to feel unhappy, not good enough, unappreciated, to feel unloved or feel alone.
Personally i think before you go into a relationship you should enjoy being single, enjoy knowing your self, enjoy your own company and love who you have grown to be, so when you finally let some one into your life, you know what you want and wont let just anyone in, only those who can fit into the world you love but of course you should be open to new ideas and please feel free to retreat if your not comfortable with it.
No one knows the recipe of finding true love or avoiding getting hurt but we can try to avoid being broken or shattered, we can reduce the hurt and give ourselves some standard, some level of self satisfaction, embracing who and what we are, besides in the end all that matters is our happiness.